History of the Internet

While the earth's crust was still cooling, back in the age when 8-track players still roamed the earth, and omniverous mammals known as "children" scavaged convenient stores for something known as penny candy, the Intertubes were in their infancy. Rising from the muck and mire of cathode ray tubes and oscilliscopes, the Intertubes were created by Al Gore at ARPA.

Over the next 30 years, the Intertubes mutated, grew, and evolved. Escaping the laboratories and universities where their first seeds sprouted, they grew virtually unchecked, spanned out, invasively, leaving no pooter untouched.
It was in the early parts of 1994, some 400 million years ago, that I first became aware of, and then plugged into, the Intertubes. At that time the Tubes were much smaller than they were now. The packets and frames moved more slowly, cumbersomely meandering their way from DTE to DCE and depositing their precious cargo onto your desk with a primal croak of "You've Got Mail."

As the Tubes grew and expanded, other species awaited extinction. Prodigy and AOL. Compuserve and a hundred thousand bulletin boards. All of these were swallowed up or, perhaps, sucked into the Tubes and amalgamated. Resistance was futile; you would be assimilated. Sooner or later, all your base are belong to us.

And then the Interweb gawdz spoke, and the meme was created. And it was good. And the gawdz LOL'ed. The makers thereof were leet and the Mario Brothers ruled the earth. And they brought forth LOLcats, and Badger, badger, badger, badger (A snake! A snake!) and the dramatic chipmunk, who was really a prairie dog.

But the Tubes grew full, and sluggish. And there came crackers and l33t haxz0rz, and this wasn't so good. Then there was an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. And there was much ROFLstomping and pwnage and thus, the MMORPG and was born. And this was the LOLz so that the baby and the hampsters danced. These were Goodtimes and this is Sparta.

And then came forth mighty warriors such as Leeroy Jenkins but he was Rickrolled before he can haz cheezeburger. But at least he has chicken. And there came ninjas and pirates and sharks with lasers. But none of these were so powerful as Chuck Norris who came forth with round-house kicks and fists in his beard. And the people rejoiced even though he never cried (which was probably because he never watched the two girls.)

And so today, the ubiquitous Intertubes are ubiquitous. It is in yur howse bringing you memes. "O Rly?" You say? Ya Rly.