Friday, December 11, 2009

Are You Not Entertained?

The Chosen One seems to have encountered a few... let's call them impediments... on his journey toward destiny. It seems the woman he married (that's her just there to the right) has proven insufficient to meet the needs of his Chosenhood and he found it necessary to sate himself elsewhere. Many elsewheres, as it turns out.

Like the vast majority of people out there, this story had little interest for me until just this morning when, on the ride into work, I caught a few things being said about Chosen One that defied credulity. These were not statements regarding resently revealed trists, rather, they are statements made many years ago when he broke onto the sports scene like a tiger attacking an antelope. What follows are statements that were captured in either interviews or other recorded events over the years. I think they paint a rather vivid picture of the standard that the Chosen One was expected to uphold.

Interviewer: "Do you see yourself as a leader, a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela?"
Tiger Woods (21 years old): "I will have more impact than Gandhi or Nelson Mandela because I will have a larger forum than both of them."

Tiger Woods: "I know I can handle all this, no matter how big it gets."

Earl Woods (Tiger's father): "Tiger is going to be the bridge between the East and West. He plays a sport that is international. There is no limit to what he can achieve because he has the guidance."

Earl Woods: "Tiger will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity,"
Sports Illustrated: "Mr. Woods? Do you mean more than Joe Louis and Jackie Robinson, more than Muhammad Ali and Arthur Ashe?
Early Woods: "More than any of them because he's more charismatic, more educated, more prepared for this than anyone."
Sports Illustrated: "Anyone, Mr. Woods? Your son will have more impact than Nelson Mandela, more than Gandhi, more than Buddha?"
Early Woods: "Yes, because he has a larger forum than any of them. Because he's playing a sport that's international. Because he's qualified through his ethnicity to accomplish miracles. He's the bridge between the East and the West. There is no limit because he has the guidance. I don't know yet exactly what form this will take. But he is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not people. Nations. The world is just getting a taste of his power."

Earl Woods (during a speech at a dinner): "Please forgive me, but sometimes I get very emotional when I talk about my son. My heart fills with so much joy when I realise that this young man is going to help so many people. He will transcend golf and bring to the world a humanitarianism which has never been known before. The world will be a better place to live, by virtue of his existence and his presence. I acknowledge only a small part in that, in that I know I was personally selected by God to nurture this young man and bring him to the point where can make his contribution to humanity. This is my treasure. Please accept it and use it wisely. Thank you."

Tiger Woods: “I think it's an honor to be a role model to one person or maybe more than that. If you are given a chance to be a role model, I think you should always take it because you can influence a person's life in a positive light, and that's what I want to do. That's what it's all about.”

Tiger Woods: "My main focus is on my game."
Gleno: "Yes, but which game?"

Tiger Woods: "If you can't laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at?"
Gleno: "Well, we can laugh at you, apparently."

Just what is it that drives celebrities to do self-destructive things? Why is that those people who have it all (I did mention that the woman in that picture is his wife, right?) seem to exhibit an irrational desire to risk it all? Is it boredom? Is it the lust for adventure? Is it a feeling of invulnerability? At what point do you begin to believe all the absurd, obsequious, kowtowing drivel that people tell you?

It seems apparent that Tiger began to believe it at a very young age indeed. Clearly, his father raised him to think he was indeed the Christ-Child. Did that contribute to Tiger's actions? Did he really think himself invulnerable or did he just want us to think he was?

And most importantly of all, do we, should we care?


Anonymous said...

I honestly find it impossible to actually believe that what you quoted isn't some kind of spoof. I know you've been wrong in the past, so I will hold my derision until I get some outside conformation. I'm going to urban legends after this, but it may not be on there since it wasn't an email rumor.
If you are correct, HMOG!?! Ive never heard that Tiger is the second coming before. Honestly, I respect his golfing skills, and I know hes a moody type, but seriously, sounds like his family is whacked. (if that is true)

As for why? Power corrupts. Then again, mankind just does really stupid things, no matter how much or how little money and power they have. I think you of all people should know that, being a Christian. Jesus wasn't here for the soup I don't think, or just for the rich.

Should we care? Only in the sense that we say "that's wrong". And not because his wife is a babe. Its because he chose to marry her and be the father of their child. And he betrayed that. That's what's wrong. If she had shut him out of the bedroom and refused sex, if she was a maniac bitch who threw daggers at him.. then get a divorce. Dont play around while you are married. Not unless its mutually agreed upon. Some people stay married but live separate lives, but it should be on the up and up. Not sneaking around.

Anonymous said...

Ok, just got conformation.
this is from 2000.
Guess he didn't quite pan out as the Universal Child. Guess he's just a golfer. With issues.

Anonymous said...

Tiger Woods' Nude Pic Ban Further Sign Events Out Of His Hands

1:02 pm

December 11, 2009

By Frank James

Tiger Woods' British lawyers have gotten a London court to prohibit the publication of any photos or videos of the golfer in the nude. Or having sex. Or his body parts.

Not that obtaining the order is an admission that any such photos exist, mind you. He and his lawyers are merely playing it safe, just in case.

While the order isn't an admission that there are such photos, according to the Schillings law firm, the mere fact that he had to seek such an order shows how terrifyingly far the situation has spun beyond his ability to control. has the letter Schillings sent to British publications and the order.

Genie of the Shell said...

I find it extremely hilarious that Tiger Woods' lawyers are spending millions and millions of dollars to stop evidence of his dirty deeds from being published and pay off all the escorts, strippers, and various other poorly-plastic-modified women from speaking to the media.

Which is then reported in the media.

Tiger should just let camera crews follow him around "Jon and Kate" style and make more profits from his trashiness instead of bleeding money uselessly to try and save his image. He's already destroyed his family life and dignity anyway.

Those interview clips are amazing, yet not surprising. Many rich people and celebrities have God complexes. And dirty, dirty sexual fetishes. I wonder if the two are related?

Anonymous said...

No, sexual fetishes know no income level. And I'm not sure if liking thin white girls is a fetish, or just a fault. lol

Gleno said...

Absurd, isn't it?

"What do you get the guy who has everything (and decided to throw it away?)" That's a question I've asked myself several times in life, both for famous people and for people I personally know.

I suppose that I'm as much as a pig as the next guy, but when my conscience fails at keeping me from doing the dumb thing, I've always had something equally strong to keep me on the straight and narrow: Fear.

Fear of being caught, fear of being exposed, but most powerfully, fear of losing what I've got. This is an enormous constraint on my actions. I think that's what's wrong with many celebrities. No fear.

Michelle said...

Please excuse my language for a moment here, but upon reading the excerpts you quoted, this came out of my mouth - "ARE YOU F&^KING SERIOUS?!"

Now I have laughed at the endless Tiger Woods jokes, and I have found it highly amusing that now 13 women have come out of the woodwork (no pun intended) all because Tiger Woods slammed his SUV into a fire hydrant a couple of weeks back. However, I have to ask - who on EARTH does he think he is?

To say that you are going to be more influential than most of the historical figures in society is rather egotistical. Especially when you play GOLF!

Is golf even really a sport??? For Earl Woods to claim that his son is going to cross boundaries and help people because he hits the world's smallest ball with the world's smallest piece of metal 200+ yards on some well manicured grass, is absurd.

No wonder Tiger Woods has gone on to become the sociopath he is - I agree that his wife Elin is a stunning woman. Mr. Woods has not only cheated on her once, but with up to 13 different women.

I am not a cheater by nature, and I am certainly not a famous male figure, but I can only imagine that the more famous one becomes, the less in control of your genitals you become. Tiger Woods is not the first high-profile celebrity to behave in this manner.

This is another issue of the whole "I am black, feel sorry for me" crap as usual. The joke goes that the best golfer in the world is black while the best rapper in the world is white - no one said that Eminem was going to "cross boundaries" because of his lyrics. In fact, most people hated him because they said he was too controversial.

Give me a break - I am quite surprised that there is that little going on in the world at present, that Tiger Woods and his wandering penis are making top stories every night....

Genie of the Shell said...

It isn't the thinness and whiteness I was thinking of... Tiger is rich beyond belief, yet all these liaisons are women with acrylic nails, tranny lipliner, skunk hair, and hack shop plastic surgery. Some are porn stars and escorts... known for being "hot," sure, but not in a classy or "pretty" way.

Homie likes it down n' drrty!

Like a McMansion... showy, expensive, yet trashy. Mmm.

As I've said before, money can't buy taste. It's extra funny when you've built yourself up to be some kind of god and then the media finds out that you have a fast foo addiction and your favorite menu item is an Arby's double melt with ranch dressing on top... or the sexual equivalent.